We pitched it, ditched it, decided against it, but closer we got to Vegas the better it sounded. Hell we drove from Florida all way to Colorado taking in and tearing out of every high-end lowlife pit stop on the way and we didn’t die, kill each other or worse. And if we can do that and keep breathing, and manage to not fall out too badly, then we can do pretty much anything.

Including getting prepped up, pretty and primed for a wedding in less than a week.

Ok so I lied. The notion to get hitched never really left me but it did seem unlikely at times, so I might have done some prep already. It’s no white dress affair. No tux, tie and tails. We got deserts to cross and less money than there is fertile dirt in Nevada. Fashion tips from a threadbare cad/dandy right here…

Bootlace Necktie
This my first time in US. Since I was a kid I imagined it filled with cowboys, Cadillacs, cop cars and astronauts. Well… the cowboys are busted, the Cadillac’s are rusted, the cop cars are still cop cars for better or worse and the astronauts must have been floating around somewhere. But that don’t stop me trying to blend in with the US I’d always imagined.

No bootlace necktie, no wedding.

Workers in Thrift stores, chain stores, Macies, they  looked at me like I was crazy. These things are tough to get hold of. El Camello Western Wear – Your place for neckties in tight spots.

Red Leather Cowboy Boots
And here I might have cheated. I brought my own gold to the land made of plenty; Freshly made, newly crafted, migraine blindingly bright and as red as a rodeo sunset.

These were crafted in Nottingham and even now as I write I’m still breaking them in. The number of shoehorns and plastic bag slip-ins I’ve broke to get these babies on aint worth counting. And the one footed tantrums I’ve had in a hurry… well they’re probably best left alone. Courtesy of Peters’, Nottingham, UK.

Biggest Brightest Most Garish Belt Buckle
Back home I got horns, hipflasks and handcuffs, vampire teeth, Nintendo joypads and pornographic disks with girl-eating snakes, all made to draw attention to and decorate my …belt strap. But they’re all in a drawer some 18 hours by plane away so I need to get something new.

Oversized gold and black spangly buckle with ‘Jesus Loves Riders’ pressing out of its front? How could a say no to that beauty. Same place as necktie – good find!

Leopard print Sash/cravat
You should have seen the wide eyes that served me. A neatly dressed respectable woman sat behind the counter of a Christian thrift store took one look at the scarf and said ‘Awww is this for your wife over there?’. My unspoken and timely invitation to leave came out as quick as my answer; ‘this is for me and she’s not my wife, yet’.

I can’t remember the town but that was the only store. And I wore it with pride as I left.

Woollen Jacket
Another thrift store buy. By now my soon-to-be knows that I’m buying up clothes at a rate that our cases can’t cope with. Lucky for me, nothing I’ve got so far is too far out of character so she don’t know my outfit is growing. I couldn’t quite answer why I might want a wool jacket in summer in Vegas but I must have passed it off somehow.

I might have lied and said Vietnam’s chilly (but Oh My Dear God it was not!).

70s frill-fronted  shirt
I don’t have a reason for this. I would have bought this thing anyway!

Black Jeans
Second cheat of this post; skin tight Levis from UK where they cost thrice as much as same thing in US. They’ve been sweated in, worn down, crammed into bags, aged in tequila and sweet-cured in biker bar smoke. What else would I wear in Las Vegas?

Upshot:
Now all this might sound glam, might sound show off or fancy. But I’m up against Elvis and a pink Cadillac and a due-to-be beautiful bride. It’s a wedding on fly for less than the cost of a flight ticket home and home might be anyplace she is.

Co-Starring Eddie Powers as Elvis, and his Pink Cadillac as …a pink Cadillac, this is Will Wilkinson and Sarah McGarrigle-Guy getting hitched in the heat of Las Vegas.

Links:
Eddie Powers and his Pink Cadillac
Peter’s Shoe Store, Nottingham
El Camello Western Wear